I've Seen "Transformers" 8 Times



"John Stonebrook, what car do you think I'd be?"

John smirked, knowing exactly where the question had come from.

"Something small and zippy with ever-changing seat covers," he replied as he pulled out of the movie theater parking lot where he and Finn had just seen the Transformers movie. "Like a Vespa with a pink paint job."

"That'd be pretty but it's not a car," Finn said as he stared out the side window at the vehicles driving alongside them. He turned his head and grinned at John. "I keep waiting for them to transform. I wish real life was like the movies."

"I'm glad it's not, because we'd be stuck with this crappy car and it'd transform into an equally crappy robot."

Finn laughed and went back to staring at other cars. "So you didn't say which car I'd be. I wanna be cool like Bumblebee. I like him a lot."

John was well aware of that. Finn had giggled like a loon during the scenes when Bumblebee was trying to help Sam pick up Mikaela, and he'd openly sobbed when the yellow car had been captured and tortured by the government agents. Finn's new leading man was a car, of all things.

"You know, the original Bumblebee transformed into a Volkswagen Beetle, not that fancy Camaro." John considered. "You'd probably become one of the new model Beetles. They're like bubbles on wheels. You'd be a red one, I think. With a daisy painted on your back window and hubcaps with hearts on them."

"Ooh!" Finn exclaimed, hopping in his seat. "And I'd have black and white seat covers like a Dalmatian's."


"Sure, kid."

"What would I look like when I transformed?"

"Well, you'd look like you do right now," John replied, bemused.

"Noo! I want to be a robot, John Stonebrook! I want to fight alongside Bumblebee and Optimus!" He karate chopped the air. "Take that, Starscream! Hi-yah! Up your butt, Barricade!" Hands still raised against invisible Decepticon foes, Finn gave John a solemn look. "I have to be a robot, John Stonebrook, if I want to help the Autobots win the war."

"Oh, right. How could I have forgotten?" Rolling his eyes, John thought about what Finn's robot form would be because there was no chance of brushing it off while the kid was so riled up. "Okay, so you transform into a robot that looks somewhat like Bumblebee, except you're a bright cherry red. Your eyes --"

"Optics," Finn corrected him.

"Sorry. Your optics will be blue and you'll be about the same size as him. Now that I think about it, you'll be a red Beetle with white doors. That way when you transform your doors will stick up in back like Angel wings. Pretty clever, huh?"

"That's perfect! They'll match my seat covers!" They'd pulled up to a stoplight and now Finn's hopping was making John's car shake. "So now all I need to do is figure out how to make 'I Got Your Nectar' fit on a license plate. They only allow seven letters, right?"

As Finn began counting off letters on his fingers, John swallowed down laughter. "'I Got Your Nectar'? So I take it Bumblebee will be your boyfriend while you're in this great Transformer war?"

Finn stopped counting and gave him a sly look. John blinked. He didn't think he'd ever seen the redhead looking sly.

"Yup, he'd be my boyfriend," Finn confirmed. "We'd race around the city together, revving our engines at each other, sharing a quart of oil or two. Maybe visit the car wash every once in a while." He stretched back in his seat, causing his T-shirt to ride up, exposing a swathe of pale, smooth skin. "At least until a certain grizzled Autobot came and swept me off my feet. Or make that tires."

John finally did laugh. "Grizzled is right." He reached out and stroked the cracked dashboard of his old Toyota. "This ugly thing right here would be my car form, and my robot form wouldn't look much better. It'd be pretty hard to compete with a shiny yellow Camaro, that's for sure."

"But you'd be experienced. Bumblebee is a young Autobot compared to the rest," Finn said knowledgeably. "You'd know a bunch of things he wouldn't."

He seemed sure of this, like he'd read up on the history of Transformers. John wouldn't put it past the kid, actually. Once Finn had heard of the movie coming out he'd pestered John to buy him all the old cartoon episodes.

"You'd be wise like Optimus is wise."

"Oh, yeah?" John asked, curious and weirdly flattered to be compared to Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots. "What things would I know?" Had the redhead picked up some useful automotive knowledge? That would sure spare John some cash since his beat-up old car always needed to visit the shop.

"You'd know how to make little red Autobots' circuits overload," Finn murmured in a sexy voice that make John's toes curl in his shoes.

It wasn't automotive knowledge, but John wasn't about to complain.

"Overload your circuits, huh?" John shifted, trying to open up space in his pants for his erection to stretch out. "You've got a new thing for robot sex?"

"I've got a thing for sex with you."

"And Bumblebee."

Finn laughed, the sound husky. "Maybe. But you'll always be my number one Transformer, John Stonebrook." He reached out and ran his palms across the dash just as John had done, but his reaction wasn't quite the same. "Mmm, I like the way your engine purrs. I can feel you vibrating here." He leaned back, closed his eyes and worked his ass in a circle against the seat. "And I can feel it down here. It makes my little toy tingle."

The light turned green. John accelerated faster than he should have through the intersection. Beside him, Finn let out a soft little moan as the engine released a pitiful burst of torque.

"Oh, John Stonebrook," Finn sighed, his right hand caressing the passenger door panel while his left pushed beneath the waistband of his black pants. "You're so sexy. I can't wait until we rub together and you push your spark into me. I hope you push it in hard and light up all my sensors."

John had no idea what the hell the kid was talking about but it sounded like sex and it looked like sex, so he was all for it.

"You want my ... spark?" he asked, his own voice low. He kept sneaking glances at the kid while trying to stay in his own lane but it was growing more and more difficult as Finn began to fondle himself and started rubbing the car door with more fervor.

"Yeah, I want it," Finn moaned, eyes closed. The wrist of the hand in his pants jerked up, popping the button on his pants and forcing the zipper down. John's foot jammed down on the gas pedal again when he saw the outline of Finn's fist inside his -- Transformers underwear? It threw John only for a second, because beneath the cloth that was covered with images of Optimus was a very erect cock and a hand that was riding up and down on it as if Finn were pumping for oil. "Push it into me, Daddy," Finn panted. "Give me your spark."

"Shit," John muttered. Checking quickly for cops, he accelerated once more. "Hang on until we get home, kid. Hang on and I'll spark you all you want. I'll even let you hold onto my stick shift."

Finn made a little sound that suspiciously resembled a laugh, but John didn't care. His pants were full of hard-on and a half-naked redhead was sitting beside him who was ready to combust. They were going home and having wild, kinky robot sex even if it required every last appliance in the kitchen to do it.


The red Beetle and the yellow Camaro sped through the hills above the city, playfully speeding up and slowing down, taking turns leading the way. The Camaro's engine purred tauntingly as it pulled ahead briefly. The red Beetle let out a happy honk as it zipped forward, bringing their bumpers flush again.

They left the road and drove up to the top of a hill where the view over the city and the ocean beyond it looked like a backdrop painted for a movie. The cars idled as they admired the vista -- their engines warm and radios set on soft music channels -- both teasingly waiting for the other to make the first move.

It was the Camaro that broke first. With the sound of grinding gears and the computer tones of transformation, the car unfolded into a fifteen-foot yellow Autobot. The 'bot looked down expectantly, hands on hips, as the red Beetle made its transformation as well. In a few seconds the red robot stood beside Bumblebee, its white doors jutting like wings from its back and identifying the 'bot as none other than Angel.

Bumblebee took a step closer to the red 'bot, drawn by Angel's beauty and the playful wattage of his baby blue optics. But before Bumblebee could pull Angel into an embrace, the sound of a new car drew their attention.

Chugging up the same road they had traveled was a dirty, beat-up Toyota Corolla. It wasn't very pretty to look at: its passenger side door had a large dent in it; scrapes and scratches marred the fading gray paint; the back bumper sported streaks of paint as if it had been hit from behind by other vehicles, and the balding tires looked ready to blow. The sound it made as it struggled determinedly up the hill wasn't anything like the sexy purr of the Camaro or the clean rev of the Beetle. Its muffler was shot and something was squeaking that shouldn't be squeaking. It was an older model car that had obviously seen and been through many difficult years.

With an effort that made Bumblebee feel a little sorry for the car, the Corolla finally crested the hill and puttered up to the two Autobots. Bumblebee was confused by its presence, but Angel seemed oddly excited by it. The red 'bot clapped its hands together and honked its horn in a friendly beep-beep!

Bumblebee waited for the newcomer to transform so he could learn the 'bot's identity. But the Corolla remained in its battered car form, making the Camaro wonder if it was simply too old and beat-up to make the change.

"John Stonebrook," he heard Angel murmur in trill of electric bytes.

Before Bumblebee could process what was happening, Angel transformed back into his Beetle form and began driving circles around the new Autobot, raising a thick cloud of dust.

Bumblebee stepped back out of the swirling dirt. He heard the other cars moving. By the time the dust had cleared, Angel and the newcomer were gone.

Disappointed -- for he had been nursing a crush on the spirited Angel -- Bumblebee continued to watch from his vantage on the hill. Eventually his optics were able to zoom in on the road far below him, where the little red Beetle coasted alongside the plain gray Toyota. They made for an odd pair, but even from this distance Bumblebee could tell that they were happy together.


John opened his eyes to darkness, wondering what the strange noises were that had awoken him.

Beside him in bed was a sleeping Finn. As John gazed at him, the redhead's lips parted and he murmured a soft, "Beep-beep."

John smiled and reached out to stroke Finn's hair. "Beep-beep," he whispered back. Snuggling up to the Angel, he sank back into sleep.


The End

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